This is the third anonymously written letter in the Red Roses series, enjoy…
To My First:
I was only 11 years old when I met you and because you were two classes ahead of me I knew you were not to be talked to at all. You were a big boy and I thought it was “bad manners” to talk to a big boy because I was terrified at the thought that talking to a big boy would get you pregnant!
Time moved on and I switched schools but guess who came following me in the same school, you! And to my surprise we ended up in the same class because of the system of education. But in my head I still knew you were off limits.
On the eve of my 13th Birthday you sent my brother home with a letter for me, describing how beautiful I am to you and even quoting the Bible to add spice. I knew this was love because no man who isn’t a relative had ever told me such things. I read that letter more than 20 times that day and the next and the next until you sent my brother home with another letter asking me if I could dance and you would love to take me to dance.
I was on cloud 25/10! I believed this was the “love” they talked about in movies. The next day in school was very awkward because you acted like it was not you who sent the letter and you didn’t say a word to me. But during break as we played in the big field, you walked up to me and held my hand. I knew then that, all the folkstales were true and I was probably pregnant, lol!
You asked me to be your girlfriend and I had no hesitation. We began the love journey that went on for 9 years. The chaos begun when I traveled out of the country for 2 weeks. We had only dated for 8 months but when I came back you were with someone else. That was my first heart break. And I called the relationship off but you made my life a living hell. Every guy in school I was interested in, you managed to have an argument with them that really made no sense. And you made sure you hurt me by dating most of my close friends and making out with them in front of me.
It took me a while to get over you but I finally did, though the bitter taste of hatred for you in my heart and lips seemed not to ease. Every time someone said your name I would literally almost throw up in disgust.
And now, nine years later you call and text still asking for forgiveness and wanting to get back with me. After walking around with almost every girl in town you now want me? I am not saying I am perfect but I deserve better. There will never ever be me and you ever again!
Oh wait what’s that story I heard from your friend? Apparently, you have a heart condition that you got after we broke up and all these years you have never told me and now it comes out. I cannot explain how I felt that day. Mixed emotions is the best description. I don’t know what I feel for or towards you anymore. Thank you for destabilizing my heart. Note the sarcasm.
To My First Love with mixed emotions.
Hey loves, hope you enjoyed this letter. I loved it because it was a bit like story time but also very open. Please don’t forget to subscribe and/or follow me on Bloglovin’
I found this while I was reading the Set Apart Girl blog by Leslie Ludy yesterday and i felt like it resonated with our letters of the month. So allow me to share before we move on to today’s anonymous letter.
“There are lots of ‘Christian’ guys out there. guys who profess Christ but allow self to reign and rule in their lives. Just because a guy is friendly, clean cut, and church-going doesn’t mean that he s truly a godly man worthy of your heart. All too many young women lower their standards out of desperation- thinking that if they don’t snag the one guy who is at least somewhat better than the rest, they will end up alone.
But this attitude demonstrates a luck of trust in God’s love for you and perfect plan for your life. If you chose to give Him the pen and allow Him to script your story, you won’t need to strive or manipulate in order to make romance happen- He will bring the perfect guy into your life in His own perfect time and way.
He is more interested of this area of your life being beautiful than even you are.”
Now onto the anonymous Letter, enjoy.
“Dear Man Who I’m Going To Fall In Love With
I get goosebumps just thinking about all the memories we’ll share
Both the highs and the lows that life has to offer
The pictures that’ll be too embarrassing to upload
Late nights spent on phone with each other
I look forward to it all
I pray that you will feel free to tell me anything
That I’ll be both your lover and friend
That when you fall short of my expectations it’ll all be forgotten with a “Babe I’m sorry” (only if it’s sincere though 😛 )
That we’ll know each other so well that we’ll be able to order food for the other off a menu without a doubt that the person will love whatever we order
And finally I hope that you will be someone I will feel safe around
Someone whose hugs will drown all my doubts because I know “I’m his girl”
Someone whom I can trust
Someone whom I will love wholesomely.
From a girl who is waiting”
We are doing a month of letters for the month of love. Letters about real events by real people to people in their past, present, and future. All the letters are anonymously written and no names are mentioned. Read if you dare and see the truth behind how relationships fare.
Here is Red Roses Letter 1.
15 LESSONS FROM 2015
- Screw what other people think. Forgive my French, I’m not the type of girl who swears but I want to get my point across. This is my twentieth year on this earth and one of the biggest lessons I have learned in that time and am still learning is living for other people’s approval is a self-made prison. Last year especially I learned that we all have a fear of rejection, of being the outsider, and I for one don’t want to live my life in that little box of fear. I actually did a post on How to get over your Fear of Social Rejection. And this year one of my goals is to do the 100 Days of Rejection Therapy challenge.
- Don’t settle for mediocre in the things you love. Learn to be exceptional. Be the best in that area that you possibly can. If something isn’t worth your time, then don’t waste your time on it.
- Don’t just say, DO! Last year I kept saying how I would start carrying a sandwich or two in my bag every time I went to, or passed through town and I would share with some of the homeless people I met along the way. I never got around to doing it. Then this year I read about a man who, inspired by Humans of New York, started a similar project called Homeless of Nairobi and he has helped dozens of homeless people get sponsored through his pictures and interviews. This story was incredibly challenging for me because he didn’t just talk about it, he did something.
- Explore new interests. No one ever grows in their comfort zone. When someone talks about something you have no knowledge of whatsoever, go research, and read into it. You might discover a love for something you never ever expected, and it makes you feel less like a loser when there is a conversation going on and you actually have a valid point to give. I recently discovered an interest in African Leadership, politics, and economics. I’m still a baby in discovering the facts and how it all works but I don’t shove it off as boring politics as I used to.
- Know that the world is bigger than you. I became intrigued by the patterns of Kenyan and African Leadership recently because I realized the decisions made for my country and continent will either benefit or take advantage of my people, and to not care whatsoever would be incredibly selfish. It’s like knowing the potential of a flower to bloom yet not watering it or feeding it and instead sit comfortably watching it wither away into the dust.
- Intelligent conversation, heart, and character are way more attractive than physical appearance. Honestly I experienced this first hand last year. There was a super fine boy that I had conversations with but they were so dry and not interesting at all. I got tired. Then I started talking to a friend of mine, a guy and we would have the most interesting conversations for hours. Conversations about books, movies, travel, life, people. It was amazing because you feel mentally challenged by the topics of discussion at the end of it. I keep saying the thing I’ll find most attractive in my future husband is to have is a heart for Jesus, a heart for others, and a heart for me… Who you are is more attractive than how you look.
- Be open minded in your friendships. Make friends with people from a different culture, lifestyle, and/or religion. This opens your eyes to understanding their people and them as a person without judging. Our call is to love; we can’t do that if we judge people before we even get to know them.
- Finally one of the biggest lessons I learned last year was to love myself, and to teach other people to love themselves. The greatest commandment in the Bible and the golden rule are similar. First love God with all of you. Then love others AS you love YOURSELF, or do to others what you would like them to do to you. My theory is you have to love yourself to be able to fully love others. You can’t treat yourself like a piece of garbage because the way you love yourself should set the bar for how you love others. That is the reason I started my Defining Beauty mini-movement, and I am confident you will join me as I explore it further in the course of this year.
Well that’s it for my 15 from 2015. You can read part one here 15 Lessons from 2015; Part 1 I hope they resonated with some of you. I was planning on doing this earlier but my grandma passed away last weekend so this week has been kind of tricky. I will however try to be better. Her funeral is this Saturday so prayers are much appreciated but for now bye my loves…
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It’s a new year and I’ve been wondering when and what my first post would be. I wanted to start with something special and not just random musings. I finally got the inspiration yesterday when my friend sent me the link to this blog post Sixteen Pieces or Real Advice for 2016. I loved it and I thought it was a brilliant idea.
So as I start this year here are a few lessons I carry with me.
- Close doors and cut ties. A friend of mine told me two days ago on a phone call that she is not ready to be in 2016 because she still has open wounds and unpacked baggage from 2015. She said, “I can’t live in this year unless I’ve closed last year’s chapter.” This made me think about all the experiences, good and bad that I went through last year.
We are so quick to jump into New Year’s resolutions, a new you, and a new drawing board, we forget that a construction cannot be built up from the ground without demolishing whatever was previously there.
Even if that means taking a week off to truly reflect on the hurts and pain from 2015 and physically writing them down on a piece of paper and burning it. Praying about it, talking about it, or taking an extra-long walk, do whatever it takes but don’t bring the past into your present because it will limit the possibilities of your future.
- It’s okay to be hurt. I’m the type of person to say, “Ohh my problems are so petty, there are other people going through so much worse.” It doesn’t matter how small your issues are if they affect you, you need to process them. Grieve your losses, whatever they may be, the loss of a relationship, opportunity, person, or thing. Cry your little heart out if it will help darling. You can’t heal if you don’t admit you are hurting, and the hard truth is you are useless to other people when you have open wounds.
- Give, give, give, but never receive is wrong. I learned the hard way that you become empty when you are giving so much of yourself away, and not having any source of sustenance for yourself. I love the analogy of two glasses of water that are both filled to the brim. The first glass pours water out and eventually runs dry, the second glass, however receives water from a jug. The glass is already full so the water flows from the jug into the cup and overflows, spilling all around it. This glass can’t run dry because it is always receiving. It has a continuous source. Listen carefully as I repeat myself, you can’t give when you are empty. Find a place to receive.
- People disappoint you; you will disappoint people. You want the God-honest truth? A person cannot be put on a pedestal because people are flawed creatures. From the above point, God is my source. I fell in love with this quote last year. God is the only self-sufficient, self-existent, all-knowing, all-powerful being who needs nothing and lacks nothing because He is the originator of everything. And this, “He loves every human being as if they were the single, only most important being.” So last year I tried satisfying my hunger to be loved with people but it didn’t work, I was disappointed. i gave of myself but i was empty so I disappointed people. I now would rather look for my source of love in one who loved me enough to think me into existence and then to tattoo my name on His palm. *Isaiah 49:16*
- Now that we are talking about this let me just put it out there. Being a Christian doesn’t mean life won’t suck sometimes. Honey let me just tell you right now, life can be a witch. It is filled with highs and lows for everyone, places of hurt and places of joy. I doubted and questioned a lot about God last year, about His nature and his very existence, but the one thing that stuck with me was that, “Doubt is not the opposite of faith but part of its intricate design. You can’t claim to have Faith if there is no room for doubt.”
- Rest in your God. Even when it seems like your life is literally the very definition of hell, He says, “Bring it to me, let me take care of it.” *Matthew 11:28-30* my tattoo says Let go, Let God because it was a lesson that I was and am continually learning. When things get tricky this year just whisper to Him “I surrender, I can’t do it alone. I literally am giving it up to you completely to figure it out for me.”
- It’s okay to not know; focus on what you do know. What is this pressure to always know? To know what you want to study, where you want to study, where you’ll be in five years, who you want to marry, how to get perfect grades, how to get the perfect job! Sheesh, sometimes you don’t know and that is fine! Sometimes you don’t need a perfect plan. Just love, laugh, and live your life in the moments and the details. Don’t miss the present trying to figure out what the future holds.
This ended up being longer than expected so I will write part 2… err… soon.
Please comment below if you have any valid points you would like me to share or quotes that inspire you from 2015, and share if you think it’s something someone needs to hear… Happy 2016 though. May your dreams and desires for this year come to pass and even exceed the very bar of your expectations my loves.
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Photo Credits: Grishon
A few months ago I came across this article that piqued my interest. A writer in the Daily Nation wrote an article with the first words being Dear Fat Women; Let’s tackle the Elephant in the Room. The article raised quite a stirring debate for a lot of people who read it. Some saying she said what needed to be said, while other fighting viciously for the sake of human decency.
After reading it, my honest reaction was utter disgust at the author’s method of writing and her outrageous opinions on what makes a woman lovable. It hit home especially because it was immediately after I wrote the Letter to My Flaws piece that is incredibly real about my journey to re-defining beauty. The response I got from that piece was amazing and made me realize more and more how so many of us struggle with this ideal of what beauty should be. So I set out to find out for myself if what she wrote held any water. This led me to the topic I chose for my end-semester English paper which was, “Defining Beauty in the African culture.”
The research I did on this led me to amazing discoveries which I will share in another post. The other experiment I did was get several of my friends with different physical features, characters, and body types to pose for a few shots. The timing was perfectly over recess when we got to travel to the Coast with two brilliant photographer friends of mine. *@Gry_sean and @Samuel_Kegode on Instagram*
The point of this photo-shoot was to show how beauty comes in such a diverse variety it is impossible for there to be one perfect ideal.
The curves are there to add femininity, the confidence instilled by the poses show a beauty that I could never capture in words.
Ashley Graham, one of my favorite people in the world said, “we need to work together to redefine the global vision of beauty and it starts with becoming your own role model.”
That means we have to train ourselves to see what we love in ourselves, and rock that. The secret that no body ever says out loud is that confidence is the definition of sexy. It’s not an opinion, or a thought, it’s a fact. The world feeds of our need to fit into a mold.
So dear world, here is my two cents. The truth is your unobtainable, photo-shopped, magazine cover, stunner really isn’t worth my time. When it comes to size, these girls show me that it doesn’t matter. We picked each other as friends because of their beautiful souls and intelligent minds not because they do or do not weigh more than 85kilos.
Dear world, do you know what the actual elephant in the room is? “If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think about how many industries would go out of business.”
The best way to start your weekend is by reading this Interview with Eva Chemngorem… A fine Artist defining beauty
When did you start drawing and how did you fall in love with it?
I did my first portrait when I was in year seven, which was in 2007. i remember the art teacher us was showing us how to portrait paint with grids. The truth is when I started I wasn’t very good, I actually wasn’t good at all and what people today see as talent in me was just a pursued interest in art.
As a visual artist you have to capture beauty and put it on the canvass in front of you, how do you do that?
The beauty in my art comes from its ability to make other people feel something. Personally, I believe it means nothing to have a piece that is just visually appealing. It has to make you sad, happy, mad, or feel some sort of emotion that helps you understand the meaning behind it.
What, or who, would you say are the easiest models to work with? are there models whose beauty are easier to capture than others?
Yes! Babies! The truth is no one can resist a cute kids with big, round eyes. They are frikin adorable! As an artist they are also easier to draw, because they have smooth clear skin. It is just new life without tired wrinkles, scars, or obvious pores which can be harder to draw.
I love that answer! Is there any form of inner beauty that comes out when you are drawing a portrait? Where is it most obvious?
I definitely feel the eyes show off inner beauty. I often say you can easily get away with a bad portrait as long as the eyes are beautifully done, captivating the onlookers. They are incredibly mysterious and have a way of making your portraits come to life. As others have said, “The eyes are the windows to the soul.”
What is your goal or purpose in doing portraits?
My ultimate goal is to capture reality on paper. I want to also build my name as a Kenyan artist and show, with pride in my national identity, what the corner of Africa has to offer. I was amazed that I got to experience a little bit of this when I won the DSTV Eutelsat Star Award for an African Design I had done. It was super exciting because my work literally got shot up into space on an actual Ariane Rocket in 2013.
How would you as a visual artist, define beauty in general?
Beauty to me is captured by emotions. As an artist, anything that strikes or portrays emotion is in its most simple form, beauty.
Any advice to beginner Fine Artists?
Keep Going! That’s about the only bit of advice I have to give. Too often I hear, “Oh I also used to draw but I just stopped.” Even though things don’t look quite right right now, keep going. It may some like a long journey but it is worth it because if you love it it will lead you to amazing places. Trust me!
For all the artists out there I really hope your medium drives you crazy! I hope you are obsessed and completely, irrevocably in love with it because then I know it will bring you success. On that note I do portraits *awkwardly smile* Hit me up on Facebook, Eva Chemnogorem if you would like me to do one for you, or for any other inquiries.
This is Eva, she’s already advertised herself before I could do it for her lol, but her drawings honestly leave me in awe. Isn’t she Phenomenal?! You are welcome to Like, Follow and comment if you have anything to share…
*All the pictures of portraits displayed above are drawings done by Eva Chemnogeram.
Hi, my name is Shingai and even though you probably already know that
I wanted to take the time to re-introduce myself to you
To start this relationship anew, yet different from all the other times my heart broke into two because of you
It is different this time, I am no longer putting my life on the line, holding my breath, wishing time would rewind, or at least pause until you became perfect.
So dear petals to my rose, here goes
To my stretch marks,
To be honest I have long wondered what your God-given purpose is?
I mean really, are you just decoration to my sides, signs on my arms that I am wise
even creeping little cellulite under my thighs
You are considered tabboo
No one perfect is meant to have you
Yet somehow I am learning to love you,
To admire the variety and uneven spice you add to my otherwise smooth skin
I no longer think that your presence in public is sin
If anything I love that consciously embracing you as part of me allows me not to fit in
And to the number on the scale,
I bid you, adieu
I don’t understand why society places so much value on you
My heart breaks for all the little girls whose hearts you have robbed and minds you have confused
I am not sorry to say, you are not worth the time of day
Let’s be real for a moment, because there is no time like the present
I. Am. Not. A. Size. 2
Never have been,
And probably never again will be
But does that mean I don’t have a right to be happy?
Please… I only have one life to live and as long as I am healthy I am planning on living it happy
To my curves, you define me as a lady, soft and full
No matter what society says you beautiful
To my smile, I am sorry that I cover you up sometimes with hand
Like I am afraid nobody will understand why you are not perfect
It’s crazy but it never seems to get in my head
You are beautiful because you were genuinely created to light up like the sky on the fourth of July
You are one of the best things on me because when you get huge in size
you not only show up on my lips, the dimples on my sides, but also in my eyes.
And to my skin the color of chocolate, how many times has it been shoved in your face?
The unspoken rule, lighter is better
Like the color on your skin determines your level of beauty?
I shake my head in despair,
As I think back on how I used to believe lighter skin made you more fair
I am better for you, and I love that you are a reflection of the heart of Africa
An exotic color to a perfect stranger
Your color is needed in the world,
Embrace it and show off with a little twirl
To my hair, kinky and filled with curls
Like lighter I thought straighter was better
Refusing to bend to a comb’s will I now realize you require a lot more skill in patience
I am sorry I covered you up, ashamed that you were so tough
I am now learning to embrace your nature, wild and strong like a ringing laugh
Like the words of a love song, We are in this journey together from now on
To these and more, my flaws one and all
I don’t take the time to thank you enough,
For not being perfect,
For not being Boring,
Instead you are an incredible contrasting symmetry,
The combination of melody and harmony interwoven into a symphony
Brilliantly ingenious, not to mention interesting
In a society that makes most of it’s income from self doubt,
It is an act of fearless rebellion to love yourself without a doubt
I am not writing this for me alone,
I am writing it for all the unknowns
This is the truth,
I am writing this for Ruth, and Kimberly and Jean, and Kuki, and Laura, and Daisy, and Anna, and Gloria, and Stacey, and Libby, and Penny, and Miriam, and Sheila, and Hannah, and Naomi, and on and on it goes to every other name out there who knows you, experiences you, and dies a little because you make them imperfect
I am writing this because if I don’t find you beautiful
I would be the biggest fool because no one else would
Dear flaws I am writing this because I am showing one up on society
By saying without shame, that you are part of what defines beauty.
Hello lovelyios, this is definitely *Kido* (how do you spell the pronunciation for a little in Kikuyu? Someone help me stop embarrassing myself lol) Late but HAPPY SEPTEMBER! Also happy month that I was born, my birthday is in a few days and I have mixed feelings about that because in my head nineteen is not that big a deal. the big deals are 18, 21, 25, then 30, 40, 50, 60, and every ten years after that.
because it is my birthday month though there is a series I am doing this month, that may go into next month called, wait for it- Defining Beauty *From an artist’s perspective.* I have plenty crazy amazing interviews lined up with poets, musicians, more photographers, and at the end I will do a special post on my journey to defining beauty. Please stick around this month and give me feedback. To start us off today My lovely cousin who has actually done a guest post here- What is Love? before wrote something small, read on…
What is Beauty?
People like to use the phrase ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ to explain how what one person can see as beautiful another person may not. But what exactly is beauty? Is it a physical/spiritual/emotional/mental description of something or someone? The dictionary defines it as,
“the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound etc), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest”
For the most part that definition is correct, but for me what is missing is the heart, because my personal opinion is that our hearts are what form us, what we believe in our heart is what we portray outwardly. Your mind although powerful is limited, your intelligence, logic, reasoning can only take you so far.
I am experiencing this first hand, I have a six year old daughter and there two ways I can see her, firstly, by using my mind, which helps me see her physical and mental beauty. I don’t think I am being biased when I say on both aspects she is absolutely attractive. Whenever I notice this it gives me such a deep satisfaction. Each time I see the beauty in her and the forming intelligence as I talk with her, but those things are only part of what makes her beautiful.
Which leads me to the second way I can see her which is using my heart, with that I can see so much more of her, circumstances can destroy her physical and mental beauty but her spirit and emotions, her soul, no one can take away from her.
We are all born with a spirit and when we die our spirit lives on which is why through the spirit is how we are to connect. We are to use our spiritual eyes to look at one another,
appreciate one another,
understand each other,
and love each other because all our spirits come from one source, God.
We have to learn to look at each other the way that He sees us; with eyes of love, grace, kindness, patience, joy, hope, forgiveness, and the list could go on, but the point is He will never stop seeing us that way.
So for us who are made in His image we are to look at one another through His eyes, to be able to see deeper than the sometimes murky surface, clearer than what is directly in front of us. To be able to see the other person’s potential even when they do not see it.
That is true beauty because it is not limited by time, space, monetarily value, or physical attributes. It has no limits.
So for me as a mum, I have to make a choice as to how I see my daughter because that is what will determine how she sees herself. So my belief? Yes “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” but what the MOST important question is WHICH eyes are you looking with?
Interview Ian Kemama
Yesterday I had the opportunity to interview an amazing guy I met through a mutual friend. He is an aspiring photographer, videographer, you-tuber, and –wait for it- D.J! You would never believe when you first meet him, that he is a jack of all trades mainly, because of the humility that he seemingly portrays. He has a simple, down to earth manner that you would not expect from a young entrepreneur.
Introduction, who are you?
This began about five years ago as something simple. My brother fell in love with photography and decided to start a company. I was in form three or four at the time, (Equivalent to eleventh or twelfth grade/ year ten or eleven). I asked my dad to buy me a camera and I started taking pictures in school… People started mentioning that I was quite good which inspired me to do it more. I also started making you tube videos and posting them.
At around this time my brother’s company began growing, but he still kept it simple with just a camera guy, a make-up artist and a video person. He named it Level 5 and they to date doing different jobs here and there and expanding their business.
How did you fall in love with what you do?
I actually started out of curiosity. My life motto is,
“If you can do it, why not?”
In 2013 I started videography and Dj-ing at different places and events. I loved the feeling of mixing music that gets other people moving, especially music which I enjoy as well. It is a feeling that can’t be described, almost like an adrenaline rush.
The biggest challenges you faced
Doing the actual work! It is like the saying, “easier said than done.” You may have the desire and heart to pursue something but without the push and right motivation it will be hard. You have to learn how to stop postponing while you are planning and actually just get into it and do it. If it something that you love, believe me it will be worth it.
Another challenge I face while starting out is working with equipment. If you are a photographer or videographer, you would know that the right equipment is crazy expensive so you have to figure out how to work with what you got and still get the best results possible.
The biggest positives faced
Again when it is something you love there are so many more positives than negatives. One of them in my line of work has been meeting people and networking. You build and form relationships that may be crucial to your future, it is also amazing meeting creatives and working with them. There are so many more people in the Arts than you would expect.
When it comes to mixing music, again it is incredible having other people enjoy almost as much or even more than you do, the work that you put into something. It’s the same thing with photography. It is inspiring to see how many people appreciate your work and passion.
(That smile though lol)
Where do you see yourself in five-ten years?
I am hopefully going to study game design in a year or two, because getting into that field are my goals professionally. Grow my you tube channel, photography and videography entrepreneurship on the side. We’ll see where life goes.
Advice for other’s pursuing their Passion
My biggest advice would be,
You do you!
Don’t try to be someone else; don’t compare your work and life to someone else’s life because the only way to be the best at what you do is to be completely, 100% original. Be brave, people may doubt you but if you believe in yourself and love what you do, you can make it.
Check out his youtube channel TheIanKemama
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