Red Roses Letter 1: Dear Christian Guy who played mind games,
Hello lovelies! Welcome to the Red Roses and Blue Violet Letters month. I have gotten different people to share anonymous letters to people who have or will feature in their past, present, or future. The aim of this is to provide a form of release for the writer and to show what’s behind the glitter and glam of the “Roses are red, violets are blue, everyone will find their one love true” theory. The Red Rose Letters are from females and the Blue Violet Letters are from the male gender. So without further a-due here is the first letter.
Dear Christian guy who played with my emotions,
It’s been a year since our situationship and I thought I was completely over it until I was talking to my friend the other day and she was randomly talking about how you were such a great guy. I felt the resentment build up like bile in my throat. In my mind, I was like, “what the hell is this girl going on about? To say, you are not a great person would be an understatement.”
If I was the type of girl who swore I would have cussed you out like a little…*insert word of choice here* But I am not so I won’t. You want to know the truth. You freaking hurt me, and I felt ashamed to admit it because you treated it like nothing. I opened up to you, we would talk for hours and I thought you opened up to me to.
I was amazed that you were into me because you were like everything I could ask for. You were/are fine, had an amazing personality, goofy and funny, could say all the right things, and most importantly your faith seemed to be on point. Then when you went silent, I wondered what I had done wrong? Was it because I hadn’t given you anything physically? Did I say something stupid? I didn’t understand why.
Then we started talking again and it was like nothing had changed. I gave an almost audible sigh of relief, until you went silent again. It went on and off again like that for some time.
Then I remember one night sharing how confused I was about the whole thing with my friend and he asked me who you were severally for confirmation. He was silent for a few moments before he proceeded to tell me how his friend from church had talked to him last week about the exact same problem. The pun was she was having the problem with the same guy; you. So was it just fun and games for you? Playing around with feelings, emotions, and lives?!
I was done. We stopped talking but it hurt, and I was ashamed that it hurt, because for you it never seemed that important in the first place. So I started thinking I’m overreacting and over emotional. I mean we were never actually together right? So I had no claim over you? So I sucked it up and tried to move on saying I’m done with guys for a few years. Ha! Like that ever works out? But that’s a letter for another day.
You know what irritated me though was that you have this whole following Jesus thing going on. It’s everywhere on social media. But I was taught that when you find a man who has a heart for Christ he will want to protect your heart as Christ protects your heart. That is where you failed miserably. I feel like you selfishly cared about only your own wants and needs, calling me yummy or hot only when it suited you.
I heard about others like you, others who have done even worse things. Worship leaders who sleep with their band members and other disgustingly, hypocritical things. It kind of makes a girl wonder hey?! What’s the difference between you who claims to have Jesus and a guy I’d meet in a club? At least I would know what his intentions are from the get go… I’m not going to go there because I have self-respect but if I ever was to directly confront you I would politely ask that you check your life and realize that your hypocrisy will make you lose more people who could have truly cared about you than you gain.
Now that I have released how I feel, I can let it go. I promise to not talk about you with resentment or hate. I promise to try and completely forgive you for something that you are not even sorry about. I promise to not social-media-stalk you, not to make my social media look all amazing and glitzy to prove that I’m fine without you, and not care what goes on in your life. Not because it matters to you either way but just so that I can move on.
I will end my letter with the words in a song I love.
“If you like the way you look that much
Well, you should go and love yourself.
And if you think that I’m still holding on to something
you should go and love yourself”
The link to the song she mentions, Love Yourself- Justin Bieber
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