Perfect Imperfections: My Story with Insecurity
Hello you!! So since I wrote the boys and girls interviews I have been thinking. Remember how I said if you want to hear my own *quote* “therapy-needing-issues” then you should let me know? Well no one really asked to hear them but I decided it would be a bit hypocritical of me to say how it helps to share your insecurities and then after getting other people’s I don’t share my own. So I am going to interview myself with the same questions I asked everyone else. First of all the first blog I did, which was a spoken word describes how insecurities affect me completely but I hope you understand even though it’s not in rhyming form.
Now on to my interview… (Q.1) What are my biggest insecurities?
(A.1) Hmmm, okay this is only hard because there are so many. I have honestly struggled with insecurities since before I became a teenager. First a lot of the time I would criticize myself, like if I have a conversation during the day, later on in the shower or whenever I had alone time I would literally go through everything I said that day and give myself a forehead slap at every stupid thing i said and have one of those *what the heck is wrong with me* moments, wishing I could turn back time, but of-course that never happens. I think the next biggest insecurity for me was/is body image somehow since I was young God just blessed me with super pretty friends (yes that means if you are my friend you are pretty :P) so lets just say I have done a lot of comparing. Lastly in gifting and talents, okay first of all have you met the people in this world? It seems like everyone has something super amazing they can do, and after you ( okay I) finish watching them, I’m left there feeling like seriously? why am I even here? With people who can do that?!
(Q.2) Have my insecurities ever made me feel stupid?
(A.2) Uhmmm, YeAa! Like all the freaking time! Like I said in the spoken word, insecurities coupled with pride, and quite a bit of self pity have had quite a way of taking over my life and trying to steal my confidence and dignity. Every time I criticized myself about something I had said that day, or some thing that my friend is better at than me *pride*, or something that *in my opinion* makes my friend look prettier than me *self pity*, I degraded myself and felt, I guess you can say, *stupid*
(Q.3) As a teenager, or young lady how do I deal with my insecurities?
(A.3) I was waiting for this one. Okay, so sometime last year I got so fed up of those sessions in the bathroom of criticizing myself that I just told God, you know what? You promised me joy.. I am tired of all this ‘am not good enough voices’ I want, no I need Your joy. In a weird way I can say God answered that prayer from the next day and taught me how to let things go. I decided if I say something stupid, or nonsensical, Who cares? Truth is every one is probably so worried about their own issues that they wouldn’t even remember how dumb I sounded. 🙂 Now for pride and self pity, those have been hard to deal with. I honestly didn’t even know what to call them until this year. Okay truth is, I am a work in progress. God is still showing me how to say ‘NO’ when thoughts of insecurity threaten to overtake me. To be able to say even when i do something stupid, “No, even though I feel embarrassed, I will not allow you to take my God given dignity.” To be able to think whenever someone makes me feel less insignificant than I am, “You may look like you have it all figured out but I am not you, I am me and I will not give you the power to take my confidence from me.” You can hurt my feelings but you can not have my security. It is mine to keep, and I am going to be selfish with it.” He is also teaching me that in Christ I have strength and security. So whenever I feel weak, down, or about to burst into tears, it is like a secret super power, that strength that can only be given to those who love Christ. If you want proof of that promise, Psalm 29:11 “The Lord gives strength to his people; The Lord blesses his people with peace (or security in some versions)”
(Q.4; bonus question) Do I believe it is possible to fight insecurity and win?
(A.4) I think life would seem so hopeless if the answer to that question was no. Here are some interesting truths I read somewhere recently,
We can be hurt without also being insecure
We can be disappointed without also being insecure
We can be shocked without also being insecure
We can be unsure without also being insecure
We can even be humbled without also being insecure
So my answer is, yes I believe we can fight insecurity and win. I am in the battle right now, but I’ll be sure to let you know when I have won.
Soo I know this was a pretty long post but I just had to express everything that was in my heart, and before I go my friend suggested this challenge which I want to give to you. This is February right? 🙂 the month of love. So we are going to show ourselves some love. I am asking that every day for the next month, you find something that you love about yourself, write it down and post it somewhere where you can see it everyday. At the end of the month you can take a picture of it and post #fightinginsecurity and even if you don’t, use it on the days when you don’t feel good enough. You have super strength, You have natural dignity, You have given confidence! And don’t you forget it… ❤
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